Thinking
by The XIII Orginization
Summary: Eureka is thinking.....


This can either be seen as a prequel to "Art of Love" or a stand alone. Oh yeah, characters may/will be, not entirely, but slightly OOC, and maybe the plot will be...uhhh..."modified" to fit the purposes of this fic.

ON WITH ZE FIC!

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I now realize that it is only at night that the mask that I wear falls from my face, and I allow myself to think about Renton. 

It is only at night that I allow my body to heat over the idea of Renton touching me.

It is only at night that I allow myself to think about such carnal pleasures.

It is only at night that I allow myself to reflect on Renton, when my children are asleep. They, especially Maurice, seem to always know when I am thinking about Renton, which is proably why they were so mean to him when he first came to the Gekko.

Even then, I felt something...strange whenever I went near Renton. A strange sense of longing, and a need for him to _always_ be near me, that I had only felt for my children, Holland, and Ardock Thurston.

However, this urge soon became something close to unbearable. Before, I simply _wanted_ Renton near me. Eveuntally, I _needed_ him near me. Somehow, Renton became more important than anything, eating, drinking, even my children, heartless as it sounds, seem to pale in comparison.

After I tried to return to the Scab Coral, Renton dragged me out, took me back to the Gekko. Renton was still innocent, which is why he seemed so hurt, so traumitized, when he finally realized every time he...we destroyed a KLF, another human lost their life.

He came into recovery room, broken in a way. He tried to tell me that he loved me, but I became frighthned, not by Renton, but by his love. I couldn't understand it, I was frightened by it, and by my urge to tell him that I loved him too. So, I crawled up, afraid of him, and myself for that matter. Renton ran out, not looking back, and why would he?

I remember reaching out to him, just before I blacked out. Somehow, the knowledge that he didin't see me reaching out for him hurt worse than anything else.

After Renton left, I went into something nearing hysterics. I did everything I possibly could to fill in the hole inside me, wearing _his_ clothes, doing_ his _chores. Nothing helped, and if anything, only magnified my longing.

To this day, I do not understand why the Nirvash would not let me go after Renton. I begged and pleaded with him, but the Nirvash wouldn't respond, wouldn't move. Maybe the Nirvash somehow knew Renton was coming back, or maybe he just wanted me to expierience sadness, grief, in order to become...human.

But then, I wasn't thinking about anything, other than I needed Renton. Once Holland promised he would retrieve Renton, but once he returned, Renton wasn't with him. Instead, he found Renton's shirt in my room. Holland tried to explain to me that they had to move the Gekko, because the military had set up a blockade, and we needed to leave. I basically accused him of leaving Renton because he didn't like him.

I decided that I was the only one could go after Renton, since the Nirvash wasn't moving, and I didn't trust Holland to bring Renton back, so I "borrowed" Gidget's board, and set out for Gainas, when I encountered the military at the Rainbow Sea. Charles and his wife would've proably killed me, slowly, except Renton saved me again.

Something had happened to Renton on his travels. He seemed more sure of himself. He also showed compassion in battle, not killing all those KLFs and ships when he could have easily done so. Instead, he simply disabled them, destroying thier weapons, making them harmless.

I could feel the joy of Nirvash at having Renton back inside of it. It made me wonder why it didn't want to go after Renton, but I shoved that thought to the back of my mind, concentrating on here and now, more spefically, being right next to Renton. Our little "talk" was heard by everyone on the Gekko, prompting no end of questions from Gidget, Matthieu, Hilda, even Ken-Goh asked a few questions.

After all the excitement, Holland locked me, Renton, and my children up. This was under the pretense of insubordination, and leaving the Gekko. In reality, Holland had us locked up, because he knew that Charles and Ray would have been delighted to kill me.

When Ray found us and took Talho hostage, she would've killed me because I had Renton, and my children, and she only had Charles, her being unable to give birth. She held a gun on me, but Renton, he came to my rescue yet again. He held a pistol in his hand, ready to shoot her. Renton was young, he didn't want to kill anyone, but to think that he would for me, that was surreal.

Rey's night vision goggels proved to be a disadvantege, as Jobs and Woz turned the lights on, Rey was blinded, as Talho subdued her. The look on Rey's face is one I will never forget. One of endless rage, and frustration.

I think that seeing Charles body lying in his blood snapped something in Ray. After she escaped from the Gekko, she try to hit us with her ship, using her KLFs as a decoy.

She told Renton that he had been charmed by a monster, but she would "save him", and they would go to where Charles was.

Ray was the first person I ever truly hated. Before, I didn't understand why people would be driven to such animalistic needs, but then, I understood. She wanted to take Renton from me. That was all that I wanted to know. I felt, almost _glad_ that Ray was dead. I now had Renton to myself.

Renton was...hurt by Ray's death. He had been struck anew by self doubts, so, I told him believed in him, and that I wanted to know more about him. To see his face change from despair to hope, the satisfaction it brought me was infinite.

So, now I lay here with my children, unable to sleep, to busy in thinking of Renton to sleep.

I love Renton, just like I love Maurice, Maeter, and Linck, and that is all that is certain to me now.

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1,000 plus words? Check. Incredibly sappy? Check! Review? Wait, can an author review his own fic? 


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